Happiness Is...

The definition of happiness has changed for me. Before last December (when this much anticipated bun arrived in my oven) happiness was something to be focused upon. You could busy through a day by rushing out the door with your scrubs barely ironed, trying not to spill your coffee, fighting traffic while studying the tired faces of the people in cars in the lane beside you, just to arrive at work for a busy day of "the real world", and totally miss the happiness around you. Since I have had the privilege of working part time for the last year, secondary to three job changes (YES THREE!) and my struggle with infertility, I can hardly complain about work. I love my job and I love my coworkers even more.

Even so, I would have to slow down to focus on happiness, which was always nearby. I could always find happiness in the voice of a friend or in a great song or in Ross's smile. But I would seek happiness. Now happiness finds me, and it feels very different. Maybe it's the "Snail's Pace" at which things happen around our house now. Sometimes I'm not dressed for the day until after lunch or later, and let me be clear: by dressed I mean at least out of my pajamas or in work-out clothes, not necessarily showered! I'm not on my own agenda anymore. I don't plan a big day with self-oriented unimportant tasks like "Go to T.J. Max and look for a new pocketbook." Now I'm happy when my pocketbook lives in my closet and my diaper bag holds my wallet. Or if my pocketbook does make it out, on the occasion that Ross and I get out for something fun, I smile when I go for my credit card and have to push past a pacifier or a small box of wipes. My day starts much earlier now, as I wake with Anna to feed her in the early morning, usually at 4 am and then again around 7. I'm happy when, upon hearing her little cry, I race into her room and see her little arms stretched out waiting for me to rescue her from hunger, and I realize that I've missed her in just those few hours. This morning I am blessed by happiness, as I lay in bed (once again exhausted even after a "good" night with Anna, and my pajamas are worn looking, and my hair looks like a wild woman, or as we say at the Arrington house "Like a Sea Hag". I am so sleepy but chubby little Anna is tucked in the crook of my arm to nurse, and Ross brings a plate of sliced apples for me to munch on while I do so. (He is always feeding me these days, which is great.)It tastes like the best apple I've ever had, and that brings me much happiness. I am then joined by Layla who leaps on to the bed and gives Anna and I a little lick to say Good Morning. She nestles down behind my legs, which is not that comfortable because the covers are now too tight, but her presence makes me so happy. Anytime that I am in bed when Ross leaves the house, I am always joined by Cole. So after Ross walks out the door, old man Cole (who now gets a running start which begins in our bathroom) joins us too. So that makes four. MK, Anna, Layla, and Cole. Cole jumps and lands almost on top of us, which surprises us both, and makes me laugh. He then helps himself to the last piece of apple off the plate, which makes us both happy.

And then I finally climb out of bed before I fall back asleep, and as I pass the mirror in the hallway I see a very tired mama with dark circles under her eyes. Only about ten percent of my hair remains in, what was at the beginning of the night, a ponytail. But I don't care a bit, because a big smile stretches across my face as I am quickly distracted by Anna's hysterical hair sticking straight up, as always. She is gazing up at me and she is completely content. And that makes me immensely happy.

And yes, when I make my bed later, if I get around to it, I'll see lots of dog hair on the bed from our gathering this morning, and I won't care a bit, and yes, that too will make me happy.

Happiness is...a crisp sliced apple, two dogs in your bed, and a baby in your arms. It is a hot cup of coffee, and a session of emailing and blogging at the computer, while a baby quietly rests. It is sitting on the couch with Ross while Anna sleeps, and it is so quiet. It is a cold beer at the end of the day or Happy Hour with a friend. It is hearing Ross's car pull up in the driveway. It is the sun beating down on you as you push a stroller on a gorgeous fall afternoon. It is a phone call from a sister or a good friend. It is sushi once again! It's fall weather and a day of watching football. It is grandparents holding their grandbaby. It is a good hot bath...alone!

It is whatever you make it and where ever you find it...or better yet, where it finds you. For that I am very grateful.